Saying Goodbye to Grandpa

In the past five months since my grandma passed away it has been so hard watching my grandpa.  He was already suffering from Alzheimer's but with Grandma gone he just seemed so lost.  We were forced to move him to an assisted living center and he didn't like it.  He just wanted to go home although I'm not sure he even knew where home was anymore.  It was difficult to go visit him when he didn't know who I was anymore.  It was even harder to see his condition rapidly deteriorate over the last few months.  A couple weeks ago I received a call that Grandpa wasn't doing well.  My parents left the next morning to come see him and we spent the weekend with him expecting him to pass away.  As we watched him suffering I knew it was time for him to go.  I was glad that he could be reunited with my Grandma and that he would be free from his failing body but it still didn't make it easy to say goodbye.

Four generation picture when Andrew was ordained a deacon.

Grandpa passed away on Monday February 2nd surrounded by his family.  I was asked to give the life sketch at the funeral.  Speaking at his funeral was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.  Trying to do justice to 86 years of a remarkable life in twenty five minutes was hard enough not to mention trying to keep my emotions under control while I presented the talk.  I spent hours preparing the talk but enjoyed learning some things about my grandfather that I didn't know about in the past.  I know this post is long but for the sake of my family history I am including his life sketch.

Oliver Donald Daines was born September 21, 1928 in Salt Lake City, the oldest child of Oliver James Daines and Lila May Barfuss.  Grandpa had a severe case of bronchial pneumonia when he was only a couple months old.  His parents didn’t have a car so his primary mode of transportation was the baby buggy.  His family moved several times during his early years around the Salt Lake area.  His earliest memory was of having his tonsils removed when he was only two years old.

            In 1931 the family moved to the Logan area.  Grandpa was baptized in the Logan Temple on his 8^th birthday.  One of Grandpa’s chores was to herd the cows, a mile or more, home from the pasture at night .  Grandpa said, “On one occasion a bad thunderstorm came up and I, along with my little brother, Weldon, huddled under large poplar trees by Mother’s old home in River Heights.  It is interesting that we would select the most dangerous spot available in seeking protection.”

            Another memory Grandpa had of growing up in Logan occurred at Linford’s barn where his father kept the cows.  He said, “One day I decided to weigh myself on an old pair of spring scales hanging in the barn.  When I put my weight on the scales, the nail, from which they were hanging, bent and the scales came down in my face.  The result was a broken off tooth which really hurt, but I wasn’t about to tell my parents.”

            On December 14, 1937 the family loaded everything they owned on a hay wagon and headed to Firth, Idaho where his parents had purchased a 120 acre farm with a large brick home.  At one point on the journey they were stopped by the highway patrol who wouldn’t let them continue without a light on the wagon.  They had to leave the wagon at the station and go to Pocatello to get a light and then go back to get the wagon.  It was an exhausting journey especially for his younger siblings but they were all excited to get to Firth and see their new home.

            There was no electricity and the only indoor plumbing was the kitchen sink.  Grandpa said, “Every Saturday night was bath time and the round galvanized tub was moved into the kitchen.  Large pots of water were heated on the old coal stove, and we bathed in descending order, according to age.  Since I was the oldest, I got clean water.  I guess being the oldest does have its advantages.”

            Grandpa soon found that the schools in Idaho were much more advanced than the schools in Utah and he was far behind the other students.  He failed the 5^th grade which was a real disappointment for him.  But when school started the next fall there was a new teacher and 5^th and 6^th grade were in the same room so he sat with the 6^th grade.  By the time the teacher found out that he should have been in 5^th grade it was late in the year and she wasn’t sure what to do.  After talking to his parents they decided to let him try to make it.  This was a turning point in his life and he worked hard to become one of the top students in the his class.

            Grandpa learned the value of hard work on the farm thinning sugar beets, hoeing beets, weeding potatoes, tromping hay on the wagons, milking and feeding cows, picking up potatoes, and topping sugar beets.  The farm also had its hazardous moments.  Grandpa said “On one occasion, we were using 4 head of horses on a manure spreader.  I had just finished unloading, and decided to take the spreader out of gear without stopping.  I had pulled the beaters out of gear, but had failed to get the lever lock in position.  When it slipped back into gear, it frightened the horses and I dropped one of the reins.  They began to run, and we went through ditches and fences.  I ended up hanging over the side of the spreader, with the large wheel coming up behind me.  The horses ran into a clump of willows and stopped.  The only damage was one bent control lever on the spreader and some scared family members.”

            When Grandpa was approaching the age of 12 he remembered his primary teacher and parents working diligently getting him ready to graduate from primary.  He said he never did complete the requirements but they decided to graduate him anyway.  He loved the scouting program and had memorable experiences at the Teton Peaks Council scout camp.  When Grandpa was 16 years old his father had an operation and he was responsible for running the farm. 

When he was first assigned as a home teacher his senior companion was a poor example so he asked the bishop if he could instead be partners with a his best friend.  The bishop agreed and they always got their home teaching done on time.  This was something Grandpa continued throughout his life.  His son, Cliff, remembers a time in his first year of dental school.  He was busy with school and his wife was put on bed rest while pregnant with their second child.  Cliff felt overwhelmed trying to keep up with school and all the added responsibilities at home.  One day when talking to his father on the phone, he said he didn’t know how he could possibly get his home teaching done too.  His dad told him “You get whatever help you need from the Relief Society, but GET YOUR HOME TEACHING DONE!”  It was a great teaching moment for Cliff.  His daughter, Debbie, remembers when he would come visit her in California for several weeks at a time in the winter.  Even though he couldn’t visit his assigned families he would still call and check on them.  Even when his dementia got so advanced that he couldn’t remember the names of those he home taught, he still visited them.  In fact, he often couldn’t remember that he had already visited them so he would visit every week instead of every month!

As a teenager Grandpa didn’t date much but he enjoyed going to church dances where the orchestra would play the Virginia Reel or Shottish and he would dance.  David, a grandson, remembers a time when he was driving with Grandpa and asked him about his youth and dating.  David said, “He smiled, and with a twinkle in his eyes told me about going to a dance. I was dumbfounded. Grandpa dancing? With a girl? Really? And he actually danced the foxtrot? When he saw my reaction, Grandpa started laughing. At that moment, Grandpa was real to me”

In 1946 Grandpa started college at Utah State Agricultural College (later USU).  He didn’t know much about college or even that a major was necessary.  On the first day they went to a large room where each college gave a resume of their field.  He decided Civil Engineering sounded interesting so when they separated he went to the engineering building.  Grandpa said, “While this decision seemed rather thoughtless, it did fit my aptitude very well and was no doubt a wise decision.”  Later in life his granddaughter Rebecca, who is also an engineer recalled, “When I was in college and went to their house, he always asked me about dynamics.  It must have been an especially challenging course for him in graduate school, because years later, he still remembered about trying to figure out the velocity and acceleration of a fly on the tip of a helicopter blade.  He couldn't believe I was taking dynamics as only a sophomore, since it had been a graduate course in his day.  But, he was elated to see that the fly-on-a-propeller problem was still there in my dynamics book! He was so supportive of me and it never occurred to him that it was odd for a granddaughter to study something that only men learned in his era. ”

Towards the end of his sophomore year, Grandpa received a call to serve in the Southern States mission.  When he went to the Idaho Falls Temple for the first time to receive his endowment he said “I felt I had never been so far removed from the world or closer to heaven than I was in the temple.”  Grandpa continued to love the temple throughout his life.  When I moved back to Utah six years ago my husband and I would often go to the temple on Tuesday afternoons when he was off work.  Tuesday was also Grandpa’s day to attend the temple and I always enjoyed seeing him there.  A few months ago my dad and I were walking around the newly rebuilt Ogden Temple with Grandpa.  At this point he couldn’t remember much but I asked if he remembered the old Ogden Temple and he said, “Yes!  I used to go there every week.”

Grandpa spent two weeks training for his mission in Salt Lake and then traveled by train for three days to Atlanta, Georgia.  Grandpa said, “The procedure was slow and laborious at that time, with some 25 discussions covering nearly all aspects of the gospel.  It’s no wonder we didn’t have many converts, we didn’t ever get around to asking them to join the church.”  Grandpa was shocked by the racial discrimination he saw in the south having grown up in Utah and Idaho.  His daughter Debbie remembers him telling of a time when he got on the bus and marched to the back of the bus with his white companion and sat with the black people.  He got a lot of strange looks but he just didn’t feel it was right the way they were treated.

In the summer of 1951 Grandpa returned home to Idaho from school and went to a stake dance.  There he met Rachel Christensen.  She became ill with rheumatic fever shortly after they met but in the fall he was in a pageant written by her mother, Lenore Christensen.  Rachel was the organist for the pageant and they began to spend more time together.  Grandpa said, “By Thanksgiving time I had decided that she was the one I should marry and I presented her an engagement ring.  She wasn’t quite sure at first, but later she decided that she would go along with the idea.”

Upon graduating from college with a bachelor’s degree in Civil Engineering grandpa was commissioned in the Air Force.  On July 30, 1952 Grandma and Grandpa were married in the Idaho Falls Temple.  Grandpa said, “I had such a great appreciation of the sacredness and serenity of the temple anyway.  And to kneel across the altar from a beautiful girl whom I had learned to love was an experience that is unexcelled.”  They honeymooned in Glacier Park and Waterton International Peace Park but as soon as the honeymoon was over he had orders to report for active duty with the Air Force.  They set up their first home in Riverside, Califonia but only a few weeks later were transferred to Reno, Nevada.

Grandpa and Grandma on their honeymoon.

After about six months in Reno, Grandpa received news that he was being sent to Korea.  They didn’t like it but had no choice in the matter.  Grandma went back to Shelley, ID and Grandpa sorrowfully left for a year in Korea.  Grandpa said, “This must have been the longest year in my life.”  While he was in Korea, their first daughter, Linda, was born.  She was 8 days old before Grandpa even received the news and she was 8 months old before Grandpa could see her.  In Korea, Grandpa spent his time assisting in the construction of an airfield at the air force headquarters.  He said, “On several occasions I went out into the Korean countryside and saw poverty beyond comprehension.  Their society was at least 100 years behind ours and practically no machinery was used.  The most primitive farming methods were employed, and except for a few oxen, all work was manual.”  After 6 months in Korea he was able to travel to Tokyo, Japan for a week of R & R.  He said, “The highlight of my trip to Tokyo, was a telephone call to Rachel.  It was short, but it was great to talk to her.”  After another six months in Korea he was finally on his way home.  As anxious as he was to get home to his wife and baby, he was stranded in Hawaii for a few days due to weather in San Francisco.  His brother, Weldon, was stationed in Hawaii and they enjoyed a couple days together.  Upon arriving home he was released from active duty and had a happy reunion with his wife and was able to meet Linda.  Grandpa loved his country.  One of my fond memories of Grandpa is watching him raise his flag.  He flew a flag every day until his health prevented it.

He accepted employment with Rocketdyne Division in Canoga Park, CA where he was responsible for all equipment used in testing rocket engines.  They moved into their first house and welcomed their second daughter, Deborah while in California.  Grandpa kept busy in the church serving as Sunday School Superintendent and Elder’s Quorum president as well as helping with the electrical wiring of a new stake center.

In 1957 they sold their house and moved to Brigham City, Utah for Grandpa to accept a job with Thiokol Chemical Corp.  His new job in Equipment Engineering involved designing a heavy steel case for the first 60 inch rocket ever built.  Grandma and Grandpa purchased property to build a house and as Grandpa was called to serve in the bishopric in a new ward, he said it was one of the busiest summer’s he ever spent between his employment, working on the house, and his church responsibilities.

They soon had a son, Clifford, join the family.  It was a busy summer trying to get a yard installed.  Karen, a granddaughter still remembers the huge garden in back of the Brigham City house.  She loved to watch Grandpa flood the garden with the irrigation water.  A few years later, another daughter, Cheryl, was born.

Through the sell of the back half of their property they were able to buy a boat, something Grandpa had always wanted.  Boating trips led to lots of happy memories for the family.  Grandpa was a wonderful water skier but he didn’t like to get wet.  So he learned to start and finish on the shore so he never had to get wet above his knees.  Linda remembers a time when Cheryl was about two years old and Grandpa really wanted to take her skiing with him and she wanted to go.  He put a life jacket on her and put her on his shoulders.  He almost always slalomed but he used two skis to be more steady.  They all held their breath but up they went and then landed perfectly on the shore without Cheryl even getting wet.  Linda remembered another skiing trip to Bear Lake.  It was a beautiful day and the water was like glass.  Grandma was driving the boat and Grandpa took his turn skiing.  Suddenly he decided it would be fun to put the ski rope around his neck and ski with no hands!  Grandma and Linda about had a heart attack but he couldn’t hear them yelling at him from the boat.  He made it back to shore unharmed but received quite a tongue lashing afterwards.  He never tried it again.  Many of Cliff’s kids remember boating trip with him at Fremont Lake.  His boating outfit was memorable.  Not his normal plaid but a red striped shirt and sneakers.  At almost 70 years old he got bored one day sitting and watching and decided to join the fun.  He couldn’t step off anymore but he was still able to get up on the skis.

In 1966 Thiokol was reducing numbers and Grandpa was forced to look for work elsewhere.  He took a new job at Hill Air Force Base making design changes to aircraft parts.  He became recognized as one of the primary hydraulic system experts in the Air Force. His changes to the hydraulic filtration of the F-4 aircraft resulted in $500,000 annual savings for the Air Force.  In 1970 the Air Force provided for him to return to Utah State University for a year to receive a Masters degree in Manufacturing Engineering.

In 1977 Grandpa began building a cabin in Island Park, Idaho.  It was a summer of hard work with help from his father as well as the adult children and in-laws.  The hard work paid off in a beautiful cabin that all of the family enjoyed for many years.  Some of my happiest memories from my childhood were at the cabin.  Kimball, a son-in-law tells of a time Grandpa was trying to back the boat into the single car garage at the cabin.  He said, “I watched him begin to back the boat down the driveway and then frantically tried to signal him to stop.  He ignored me and backed the engine prop right through the garage door.  He was puzzled by that but didn’t let it deter him.  He pulled forward a few feet, then ignoring my screams to stop, he backed up again with increased speed. This time he put just about the whole outboard motor through the garage door while I watched perplexed, but with a fascinating interest.  Embarrassed, he explained that he saw me, but knew that he could complete the task without any help.  He did acknowledge, however, that it would have been good to know that the garage door was closed.”  Rebecca, a granddaughter remembers trips to Yellowstone with Grandpa and he would get so excited every time we saw an animal.  He always called them “animules”.  Rebecca said, “I never knew for sure if he was getting excited just for the benefit of us kids or because he was really super excited to see the "animules", too.”  Cheryl’s family was floating down the river in Island Park with Grandpa one year when Natalie and Adrian were young.  Grandpa decided to switch positions and rocked the canoe a bit.  The water was only about knee deep but Natalie and Adrian screamed.  Grandpa continued to rock the boat and it terrified them.  Natalie was sure she was going to die.  They would never go with Grandpa in a canoe again.

Grandpa was very skilled at building things.  Not only did he build the cabin but he later built his beautiful home in Plain City.  He built a Barbie house for each of his granddaughters modeled after the cabin.  The one that belonged to my sister and I is in my basement.  I recently had a repairman working in my house who saw the doll house.  He was so impressed with it he asked where he could get one like that because his daughter would love one!  Leisa, a granddaughter, said she remembers Grandpa always being in the middle of putting together new bikes, and toys on birthdays and Christmas.  He always had his pocket knife handy to help open a difficult present.  I remember running around the wood deck at the cabin with bare feet and getting slivers.  I was terrified to let Grandpa know because I knew he would pull out his pocket knife to get the sliver out.  Inevitably he would find out and out the pocket knife would come.  He was actually very good at quickly removing the sliver. It was just the thought of him going at my foot with his knife that scared me to death!  It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to any of us that shortly after being moved to Apple Village he was found trying to pick the lock with his pocket knife to get out.

Many of the grandchildren recalled the Christensen family reunion in Plain City the summer of 1995.  As teenagers do, many of us got bored towards the end and started a water fight on the hot summer day.  As I mentioned before Grandpa didn’t like to get wet.  None of Grandpa’s posterity will ever forget him running across the picnic tables to avoid getting wet.  What some don’t remember is that I was the one who actually chased him up there.  I’m not sure I actually would have dared to get him wet but the reaction I got from threatening him with a cup full of water was priceless.  I still have a vivid image in my mind of my grandpa in his late 60s racing across the picnic tables in the pavilion.  And I think he went home dry.

Several of the grandchildren remember that there was always ice cream when you went to visit Grandma and Grandpa.  Rebecca said, “Grandpa's portions were enormous--no 200 calorie single scoop for him.  He didn't seem to understand the concept of having "just a taste".  Ice cream was meant to be eaten as a huge bowlful every night after dinner.”  One night shortly before Grandma passed away I was visiting and Grandpa offered me some ice cream.  I didn’t really want any since I was watching what I was eating in preparation for a big race but I just couldn’t say no to one last bowl of ice cream with Grandpa.

Cheryl and Neil travelled with Grandma and Grandpa to Mazatlan.  The elevators had notations of PB for the lowest floor and PF for the highest.  One elevator ride there was a Mexican cleaning person with them and Grandpa asked what PB stands for.  In broken English the guy said, “I don’t know.”  Grandpa responded “I don’t know either!”  Grandpa seemed to think everyone should speak English.  Once when they were in Mexico together Neil, Cheryl and Grandma had been saying “Gracias” to the waiters.  Near the end of the trip a waiter surprised Grandpa and he exclaimed, “Gracious!” 

Many of the grandchildren remember Grandpa’s smile and his cheerful personality and even a sense of humor.  Cliff said that when he was about 12 they were asked to pray for a ward member with health problems.  As Cliff tells the story, “Dad asked me to say the prayer.  I came to that part of the prayer and said, "Bless Sister . . ."  I couldn't remember her name.  So I sat there for several seconds trying to think of her name, but it didn't come to me.  So I said, "Bless Sister what's her name."  At that Dad began to laugh, snorting through his nose.  It took about a minute to regain composure to try again. As I began again, Dad again began laughing, snorting through his nose.  So again there was a pause of about a minute trying to regain composure.  I finally just hurried and ended the prayer and we all laughed for a good long time. Cliff also mentioned that Grandpa was very forgiving.  No matter how warm the disagreement was when it was over it was really over.  Grandpa had a strong testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ and shared it often with his family.  He served faithfully in many callings including high councilor, and bishop.

Grandpa was always kind and thoughtful of others.  Ana, a granddaughter, remembers hiking with Grandpa.  She said he never minded walking slowly with her and talking.  Even towards the end of his life when we would visit Grandpa and he didn’t remember who we were he was always concerned that everyone was comfortable and had a seat.  He loved to see the small children.  Leisa says he always adored her daughter when she would go to visit.  Just a couple weeks before Grandma passed away I went over to help her get ready for bed.  She was upset that I had come out alone late at night because she hated to bother me and was worried about my safety.  As I was leaving that night Grandpa looked at me and sincerely said, “Thanks, you’re great.”  It touched my heart.  He didn’t know who I was but he appreciated that I was there to help and wanted to express it.  It was touching to watch the tender way he cared for Grandma at the end of her life in spite of his own physical and mental limitations.

Grandpa left his family a great legacy of hard work, faith, and love.  He will be greatly missed.  We are grateful he is free from his failing mind and body and rejoice in the atonement of Jesus Christ and the knowledge that families are forever.

In the days after the funeral I found myself thinking of other things I forgot to include.  How could I forget to mention what a great gardener Grandpa was?  He was the expert I always went to when I had any questions and Grandma and Grandpa never came to visit in the summer without their arms full of fruits and vegetables he had grown for us to enjoy.  I'm not sure my talk measured up at all to the wonderful man he was but when we went to the cemetery I was brought to tears by the military honors.  It was truly wonderful and everything Grandpa deserved.