After a summer of hard training I was ready to head back to Chicago for another attempt at the Olympic Trials Qualifying standard. I had a successful summer of racing and won the Top of Utah Half Marathon with a time of 1:17:40. It was looking like a solid buildup, just like other years to put me in a good position to qualify. I was a bundle of nerves to the point of being paranoid about illness, injury or anything else getting in my way. Four weeks before the marathon I found myself out with a banged up knee due to a fall but luckily the recovery was quick with the help of my husband and his sports medicine team. Then just a week before the race, I was warming up on a trail near the park where I do my workouts when I came around a blind corner to find an extremely fast mountain biker headed right at me. Without even having time to think I dove into the bushes. He tried to slam on the brakes only to make his bike skid into me. His shoulder rammed into mine but luckily, due to my quick reflexes to get out of the way the main force of the impact was avoided. I was reminded how quickly I could be taken out of the race before it even started. And then there was the fear of getting sick again which was all too fresh on my mind after the last two attempts.
Race week came and I was healthy. I was excited to board the plane feeling good and ready to race. The only other factor that I couldn't control was the weather. I kept saying I didn't need perfect conditions, just nothing too extreme. We arrived in Chicago early Friday afternoon and found rainy, warm and very humid conditions. I worried about the humidity level knowing that living in Utah there is no way I can train my body to be accustomed to that. The forecast was for a bit cooler temperatures on Sunday but the rain and humidity would most likely stick around. We headed to the expo after getting checked in at the hotel and some lunch. The expo was crazy with lots of people but I was glad to get it taken care of on Friday and stay off my feet Saturday. Jason and I enjoyed a shake out run on the trail by the river and lake the found some Italian food around the corner from our hotel.
Saturday was a low key day where I wished the time would pass more quickly than it did. It wasn't an all out washout but there were several periods of the day with rain with some rather severe thunder storms. Our church was holding General Conference sessions that we were able to watch broadcast online to pass the time. I felt spiritually refreshed but the anxiety about the race just seemed to be increasing, especially when my stomach wasn't feeling great as the day went on. I wasn't feeling super confident now that I wasn't feeling my best and the weather was looking less than ideal. But I tried really hard to stay positive.
The night before the race is never super restful but I managed to get a fair amount of sleep. The alarm went off at 4:15 am so I would have time for breakfast to settle before the race. I woke up with my stomach feeling quite a bit better than the night before but not perfect. I hoped it wouldn't be an issue during the race. But the most troublesome part was the weather. It was raining and the Doppler showed a line up of storms stretching all the way across Illinois. We were going to get wet. I tried to go back to sleep after eating but I was way too agitated to sleep. It was finally time to get dressed and head to the starting line. I headed out of the hotel with an umbrella and the rain was really coming down as I walked a couple blocks to the metro but by the time I was back above ground a couple stops down the rain was stopping. I almost dared to hope it was done but I knew there was more coming. I found my nerves were almost too much to handle. Over the years I've been able to learn to control my nerves much better before races but this time they were bad. Maybe because the crushing disappointment from the last two attempts was too fresh in my mind and something I wanted to avoid again so badly.
The marathon provided a heated tent for the American Development group to stay warm and dry in near the starting line. I met up with Lindsey Anderson in the tent. Lindsey as well as Taylor Ward, who was in the elite tent, are both coached by my coach Paul Pilkington. It was nice to have someone to warm up with. The rain had stopped as we ran around the park. The temperature was comfortable, around 60 degrees, and with the storms and cloud cover it wasn't expected to warm up at all during the race. The ground was soaked from the rain over the weekend though. Keeping dry feet was going to be a challenge. I felt good on my warm up and moving a bit finally gave me an outlet for the nerves. They let us stay in the tent longer than the previous years which was helpful. We finally headed to the start line at about 7:15. It wasn't too long of a wait before we were standing on the starting line.
While waiting for the start a girl in a pink shirt said she had overheard Lindsey and I talking and asked if I was aiming for the B standard (2:45:00) and if I minded if she ran with me. I was grateful for the company since Lindsey was going for the A standard and would be ahead of me. I needed to average 6:17 per mile to make the qualifying mark. My plan was to hit each mile in 6:15 giving me a very small cushion if I needed it at the end. I realized I might be giving up a chance at a PR going out at this pace. (I'd need 6:10 to break my PR.) But after discussing it with my coach we decided the most important thing was to get the qualifier and my best chance at doing that was to go a little more conservative. I hoped holding back slightly at the beginning would give me a chance to pick up the pace during the second half and negative split. I might still have a shot at being close to a PR. My biggest worry was finding that 6:15 pace and how it would feel. Because of the tall buildings interfering with satellites I chose not to wear my GPS and instead check my pace at the mile splits. It's always a worry finding the right pace. Go out too fast and pay for it at the end, but go out too slow and you are off qualifying pace and it's so difficult to make up time later in the marathon. But my experience at Houston following a pacer who didn't pace well taught me that if I listen to the cues in my body it's much more reliable than a watch or a pacer. I missed our first mile split in the crowds of people but I was able to catch the 2k sign and calculate that we were exactly on pace. While the pace didn't feel easy, it felt comfortable. I was happy with how the race was starting. The girl in pink, Andrea I found out later, was sticking right with me. I enjoyed the company for the help pacing but she raced like I did. It wasn't time to talk, it was time to get to work.
The crowds through the first couple of miles that wound through downtown were energizing. The packs of people made running the tangents a challenge and I had one close mishap with a curb on an inside corner but managed to avoid going down. However starting right at the front (literally the 3rd row back- I'm the one in yellow on the right side of the picture) made it possible to keep the pace I needed to among the crowd of 40,000 marathoners. The road was wet and the bridges were slick. I was having to take corners carefully to avoid slipping and I soon realized the lines on the road were slick as well. But for now their was no rain. I had started with gloves but dropped them by a mile into the race. At mile 2 I was able to get my first split. 12:27 for the first two miles. Perfect! I almost couldn't get any closer than that. Just before 3 miles I spotted Jason and Kurt Ward (Taylor's husband) on the side of the road cheering me on. The crowds in Chicago are fantastic but it's even better to have familiar faces there for support! Mile three was 6:16. We were headed out of downtown now and had settled into a great pace. There was a whole group of about 10 women who were obviously after the same thing Andrea and I were. We hung together in a pack with some men who were running the same pace and tried to stick as close to the blue line (the shortest course) as we could. It started to rain about 4 miles in. It wasn't raining hard yet but it was there to stay for the rest of the race. I hoped it wouldn't get too much worse and although the wind was blowing my visor a bit I was glad I'd opted for it to keep the rain out of my face. As we moved away from the city the wind was getting worse. It was coming from the North East so we were into a head wind most of the first 8 miles. The pack was a huge advantage at this point and I stuck behind some taller men to break the wind for me and save as much energy as possible for later in the race. All my mile splits were coming in between 6:12 and 6:15. The pace was feeling pretty good although I was getting a little tired of the wind and looking forward to the tail wind when we turned and headed back towards the city.
I expected our splits to drop a little after mile 8 with the wind at our back but they stayed close to the same. Even though the wind was mostly at our backs from mile 8 to the halfway point we were getting some gusty cross winds so it didn't always feel like a tail wind. I always find the stretch from 8-12 to be a bit of a challenge. At this point I've been running for an hour and it's starting to take a little more effort. And yet there is still so much left in the race that you can't even take your mind to the point of thinking about how much is left. In fact that is the point I started to struggle and slow down last year. But things were different this year. Yes, it was requiring a bit more effort but I wasn't slowing down. Our pace was ranging from 6:13-6:17. I felt strong and I could hold this pace for quite a long time. I just hoped long enough.
Nearing the halfway point we were getting into downtown again. The road was packed with cheering spectators which was a great boost at this point. Jason was there again and in spite of the roaring of the crowd I can always pick out his voice. I came through the half at 1:21:51 exactly as planned. Andrea was still with me and we still had a great pack of women that were working together. The men were starting to break up a bit more. We were catching the ones who had gone out too fast. This along with the crowd support and the fact that the course turned west for a couple miles (the direction that the wind seemed to be most at our backs) made us pick up the pace a bit. Miles 13 and 14 were 6:12 and 6:11.
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| Halfway! |
By mile 16 we had turned back into the wind. Somehow I ended up at the front of the pack at this point. As much as I wanted to hang farther back and let someone else take the wind I recognized signs that people in the pack were struggling. I couldn't afford to slow with them and I was the only one at this point that was daring to keep pushing the pace. The splits at mile 16 and 17 confirmed my fear. Both were a 6:19. I didn't need to panic but I couldn't keep going with this trend and stay on the qualifying pace. I had to leave the pack and get my splits back down to goal pace. I didn't have enough of a cushion to slow down this early in the race. I honestly had a bit of a battle going on in my head at this point. This was getting hard and I still had an hour of running in front of me. How bad did I really want this? Could I slow down just a little? I pushed the negative thoughts out of my head. I'd worked so hard to get here and I was still on pace. It was going to be a grueling hour but I felt I still had enough left in me to push through it.
Miles 18 and 19 we were heading south and east again, with the wind at our backs. My increased effort and the tail wind were rewarding and mile 18 was 6:09. Mile 19 I was surprised to look at my watch and see 6:01. Had I really picked up the pace that much? Mile 20 was back into the wind and my split came in at a 6:29. I almost panicked but realized the 19 mile marker was probably off and the average between the two miles was right on. Miles 21-23 had a lot of turns in the course. At some points we were heading south with the wind and other parts east into the wind. The pack had disappeared and I tried to focus on picking off the men that I was catching up to one by one and occasionally I'd see a female up ahead that I could reel in. The important thing is that even though I was hurting I was the one passing, not the one being passed. There's something about passing people late in the marathon that gives you some extra energy to keep going while getting passed seems to suck the energy away. These three miles were 6:18-6:19. At this point I realized that I wasn't going to be able to negative split and get a PR. I was slowing ever so slightly but if I could just hang on and not slow down significantly I could still get my qualifier. It was taking everything I could to hang onto the pace at this point and in the back of my mind I knew we would turn directly into the wind for the last three miles and all I could do is pray that I would hang on.
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| Chinatown near mile 22 |
At this point I always start to do the math to figure out what I need to make it. In Chicago every kilometer and mile is marked so there was plenty of math to calculate. I figured with how I as feeling I needed 20 minutes to finish the last 5k. We made the left turn onto Michigan Ave to head north back to the city and the buildings were up there in sight but seemed so far to go. This was right about the 5k to go mark and I was just under 2:25. I was on but I'd lost most of my wiggle room. The wind had either picked up or the fatigue in my muscles just made it feel stronger but it literally felt like running into a wall. The steady rain for almost two hours now made it nearly impossible to avoid the puddles at this point and for the first time I noticed my shoes were soaked. I noticed a tall man in front of me going just slightly faster than the pace I was running. I surged to catch up to my wind break and knew that even though this felt a little too fast it probably wasn't and I needed to hang with him to keep from falling off pace too much. This was was a life saver. The little bit of energy it was saving me was priceless and focusing on his back and sticking to him rather than the buildings up ahead that didn't seem to get any closer kept me in the race. Mile 24 was 6:21. My slowest one yet but I was still hanging in there. 2 and a quarter left to go. Soon we were approaching the 40k mark. If I had 9 minutes left for the last 2k I'd be alright. I crossed the 40k at 2:35:46. I had 9 minutes but barely. This was going to be close. Mile 25 came in at 6:20. I was so close. Then the one mile to go sign. I'd have to run it under 7 minutes. I was at 2:38:12. I was so tired but this was still within reach. Then the 800 meters to go. I had about 3 and a half minutes. Then we take a right turn followed by a left into the park and the finish. 400 meters to go and I was at the only hill in the course. It's a bridge over some train tracks to enter the park. It's not long but it's steep and it comes at 26.1 miles. I had exactly 2 minutes to get in that last 400 meters but it was uphill into the wind.
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| 400 meters to go. The only hill on the course. |
But then I was cresting the top of the hill and I could hear the announcer at the finish line. One final left turn and I could see the finish right ahead of me. The clock was just turning over to 2:44 as I got my first look at the finish line and for the first time that day I knew I had it.
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| The finish! |
I crossed the finish line in 2:44:38. My third fastest marathon and just a few seconds off my second fastest time. A great race under moderately difficult circumstances but all that mattered is that I was finally on that list of Olympic Marathon Trials qualifiers! I'm going back! 22 seconds to spare. I cut it a lot closer than I wanted but it was good enough. After a whole year of failed attempts I finally got what I was after.
Just after crossing the finish line I heard someone call my name. Kurt had used his credentials from Taylor's elite status to get near the finish line. No one else is allowed there. It was fun to have someone I knew right there and even better he had Paul, my coach on the phone. I tried to carry on a conversation and tell him how hard the race was but that I was so happy to just make it but I'm not sure I was getting much out between gasping for air. I found out Taylor and Lindsey had both run amazing races. Taylor was the 2nd American and Lindsey qualified with the A standard in her very first marathon! It was a successful day for all three of us and I could tell Paul was extremely proud of his athletes' performances. It was a long walk back to the tent and I finally started to realize how soaking wet I was. It didn't take long after I stopped to start getting cold. The heat shield wasn't doing a lot of good. The long walk gave me some time to think through everything though and a sense of accomplishment and relief washed over me. Tears streamed down my face but between sweat and rain I'm not sure anyone could tell. Also on the long walk back I ended up talking with a girl who finished a few minutes behind me. Jason happened to capture this moment on camera and for some reason I really love it. She was one who hung with me for the first half of the race but then fell back when our pack started to break up. She had run a big PR but it was bitter-sweet for her missing the trials standard by less than 2 minutes. She was gracious and congratulated me on my accomplishment while I consoled her and encouraged her to try again. I couldn't help but think of another pace group in Houston where I was the one who fell behind. One of the things I love most about this sport is the people I meet. I'm fiercely competitive and when I race I want to win but I have been so inspired by the incredible athletes I've met and always come away with drive to do better and improve myself. To this girl and everyone else out there, don't ever get up on your dreams.
The first time I qualified for the trials it was almost too easy. I went to Chicago having no idea if I was capable of running the qualifying time but knowing I would give it my best effort. I ran the race of my life and was thrilled but I think this time maybe it meant a bit more. Maybe the experience in LA when everything went so wrong at the 2016 trials gave me the drive to get back there again. Maybe the fact that I'm older and my fast running days are numbered made this a bit sweeter. More likely it was the two failed attempts in the last year that were crushing disappointments. But whatever it was I left with a much greater appreciation for what I accomplished and for the opportunities I will have in the next year and a half. On February 29, 2020 I will be standing on the starting line with the fastest marathoners in the country and I can't wait.
