Remembering Grandma

Monday, September 1st was Labor Day.  I woke up that morning in Moab anticipating one last day of a fun family trip before heading home in the afternoon.  I had just returned from a bike ride with the younger kids and was packing up the hotel before heading out for more activities when I got a phone call that my grandma had just passed away.  She was diagnosed with cancer several months ago and we had been expecting this.  In fact I had left her house often and after seeing her suffering had even been praying that she wouldn't have to suffer any longer.  I expected to feel relief but was surprised with the feeling of loss that overcame me instead.

My memories of Grandma go back as long as I remember. Some of my earliest memories are of their house in Brigham City, the huge garden in the backyard and the "helicopter" tree in the front yard.  Birthdays, Thanksgiving, other holidays and of course always Grandma's wonderful cooking.  Some of my fondest childhood memories are of times spent at their cabin in Island Park that Grandpa built.  I remember Grandma showing me the "golf ball" on top of Sawtelle Mountain and wondering how anyone could have hit a golf ball that far.  Grandma always loved her cabin in the mountains but what she really loved was sharing it with her family.

When I was a little older Grandma and Grandpa moved to Bountiful.  We enjoyed having them closer and often spent Sunday evenings in their home, always eating ice cream.  They really missed being in a more rural area and eventually Grandpa built their beautiful home in Plain City where they spent the rest of Grandma's life.

My dad's parents passed away while I was still a teenager and I remember being jealous of my older cousins who got to spend so much more time with them.  I feel blessed that I was able to spend 37 years with Grandma Daines, that she was there for my wedding, got to meet all of my children and so many other events over the years.

At my wedding.  (Not my the best picture of me!)

My parents moved to California the week I graduated from high school.  Grandma's house became a second home to me and I often spent a night or two there on weekends when I was visiting Salt Lake.  She always had the most wonderful meals.  After I married Jason, he just couldn't get enough of her food.  I think she always enjoyed watching the enormous amount of her food he would consume and even often encouraged him to eat more.  When we moved to Salt Lake for medical school she never came to visit without bringing jars of home canned jam, fruit, and syrup, fresh garden veggies or fresh baked bread.  She really knew how to take care of starving college students.  She always seemed to understand and remember what it was like to be in my stage of life, whether that was a struggling college student, newly wed, extremely uncomfortable expectant mother, or a mother with a new baby.

Grandma enjoying a day at Huntington Beach with Andrew.

Grandma meeting Skyler for the first time.

I loved to watch Grandma with my babies.  She always loved to hold them and you could tell by watching her how much her family meant to her.  Grandma was an amazingly talented woman.  Because of poor health most of her life she wasn't able to do a lot of the things she loved.  She was a wonderful pianist and loved music.  A couple years ago I was asked to direct the choir in our church.  I was feeling overwhelmed and extremely unqualified.  She was so excited for me and shared with me her experiences about leading her own ward choir years ago and how she also felt unqualified when she was called but grew to love that calling more than any other.  But as talented as Grandma was, she never talked about herself.  It was always about her children and grandchildren and everything they were accomplishing.  At grandma's funeral, I watched many of her children and grandchildren performing beautiful musical numbers.  Grandma would have been thrilled with the music that day.  I felt a bit guilty as I thought of my flute sitting in my closet that has mostly been collecting dust for the last 20 years.  If Grandma was ever disappointed that I gave up music for running though she never showed it.  She was still proud of me for my accomplishments even if it was different than what she would have chosen.  Every time I won a race and my name was in the paper, I knew as soon as the phone rang the next morning that it was Grandma on the other end calling to congratulate me.

The end of Grandma's life was so difficult to watch as her health declined rapidly.  She must have been in tremendous pain but you wouldn't know it because she never complained.  It was a great opportunity to live close enough that I could visit her often.  Even in her declining health, Grandma always wanted to feed me as soon as I walked through the door.  When I could see how difficult that was for her I started bringing food to her instead.  I don't think she liked that too much.  She always wanted to be the one giving and serving.  A few days before she passed away, I was on my way to Logan to watch Andrew in a cross country meet.  I wanted to stop by Grandma's house but I was running late.  It's not worth stopping for such a short visit, I thought and I knew I'd be going up to Logan again the next week.  I'd stop by then.  But I just couldn't pass without stopping.  It was a short visit and neither Grandma or Grandpa were up to visiting much that day.  Skyler immediately pointed to the M&M jar Grandma always kept on her counter.  It was empty, and when I went to refill it, for the first time ever, Grandma was out of M&Ms.  "I must have forgotten to put them on the grocery list." she said.  I said goodbye and promised to stop by for a longer visit next week.  Instead my next visit was a few days later as the family was gathering to plan the funeral.  I was so grateful for my one last visit with Grandma. It was so hard to walk into the house and see her chair empty but as Skyler pointed to the M&M jar I noticed it had been filled.  Grandma had remembered and as we all munched on those M&Ms in the coming days it was a reminder to me of a Grandma that was always giving to others.

The morning of the funeral I was scheduled to do a tough 22 mile training run.  My heart wasn't in it and I wanted to skip it but I knew that it was a crucial workout for Chicago.  So as soon as it was light enough to see I was out on the Ogden River Parkway putting in miles at a quick pace.  As I started to run thunder clouds were rolling in.  The lightening was making me a bit nervous but I didn't dare stop because I needed to finish the workout in time to get to the funeral.  I thought the weather was fitting for the mood I was in that morning.  But as the sun came up over the mountains in the east the most beautiful double rainbow appeared before me in the sky.  I was reminded that without experiencing the rain there wouldn't be any rainbows.  It hurts to lose Grandma because I love her and miss her so much.  It's hard to know that on my next birthday there won't be a card in the mail, next Christmas there won't be a party at her house, and next time I win a race I won't hear her voice on the phone.  But I do have faith that through the atonement of Jesus Christ I will someday see Grandma again.  And she will be free from the pain she suffered so much in this life.  Grandma blessed my life in more ways than I can say.  I think of her often in so many things that I do, whether it's making one of her recipes, listening to music, picking vegetables from my garden, or snuggling up under the beautiful afghan she knitted for me.  Grandma's memory lives on in the lives of her posterity in so many ways.  The beauty of her life is a gift to us all just as the rainbow was on that early morning.

Aunt Linda, Aunt Cheryl, Grandpa, Mom and Uncle Cliff

Not quite the whole family but still nice to have most of us together.

    

So Bad, Yet it Could Be So Much Worse

A few weeks ago I got my van back from the shop after the accident I was in.  The side that had been hit looked brand new again.  I was glad to have it back after a few weeks of only having the truck to get all of us where we needed to go.  A few days later, Jason was home for the day and the older kids were at school.  He was heading downtown to the running shoe store and asked if I wanted to run down there on the parkway and he would drive down with Skyler and pick me up.  I was glad for a new route to run and as I headed out the door I said, "Don't call me.  I don't have my phone.  Just be there in an hour."  An hour later I arrived downtown and Jason wasn't there yet.  My first thought was that he had been in a car accident but I figured I was just worried because I had just been in an accident.  He must just be running late.  Since I didn't have a phone to call him I just stood outside stretching but I kept getting more nervous as time passed.

A few minutes later a car pulled into the parking lot and a lady I didn't know stuck her head out the window and asked if I was Merrilee.  That's when my heart really started to pound and I knew something was really wrong.  She told me I needed to come with her and my husband had been in a car accident.  As we were driving she told me that Jason and Skyler seemed OK but they had Skyler in the ambulance checking him out.  In my mind I was thinking, was it really that bad?  I asked again if my baby was OK and she told me she had wiped the glass off his face but he looked all right.  Then I started to cry.  I was so scared and even though we were only a few blocks from the accident it seemed like it took forever to get there.  I realized I didn't know which car he was even driving and while I didn't want the van damaged right after it was fixed I was really hoping it wasn't the new truck.  I finally asked her after she assured me that no one looked hurt and she told me it was the van but warned me that my car was not OK.  I really wasn't prepared for the scene when she dropped me off.  I was picturing a little fender bender off to the side of the road but there were cop cars and ambulances everywhere.  After a quick thank you to the sweet lady who picked me up I ran towards the scene looking for Jason and Skyler.

I caught a quick glimpse of what was left of my car and it was horrifying.  Every side of it was damaged and all of the windows had been smashed.  Everything that wasn't seat belted into the car was lying on the road.  Jason called to me from the closest ambulance and I ran over to it.  Skyler was crying and Jason was holding some gauze up to his ear.  It turned out to just be a small cut from a piece of glass that was in his ear.  Jason was in shock and Skyler seemed terrified by everything going on around him.  Jason told me he wasn't hurt and just had a cut on his hand.  The EMTs thought Skyler was all right but wanted to transport him to the hospital just to have him checked out since he was so small and the accident was so severe.  Jason didn't want the ambulance transport but with no car or car seat to get there ourselves I decided we should just go.  I had just a minute to look at the van and grab a few things.  Our van was hit on the back corner while going through the intersection. When it was hit it spun and the witnesses said it rolled several times.  It finally came to rest upright a couple hundred yards from the intersection on the sidewalk.

Skyler hated the ambulance ride.  He was still screaming when we arrived at the hospital and took us into an ER room.  The doctors and nurses came in to look at him and he fought them the whole time.  They decided he looked like he wasn't hurt so they just wanted to keep an eye on him for a bit and see if he calmed down.  They gave him a snack and after everyone left the room he finally stopped crying.  Jason took off his shirt and he was covered in glass underneath his clothes.  Skyler also had glass inside his clothes and diaper.  The police officer came in to talk to us.  He told us we had done everything right with installing the car seat and buckling Skyler in.  Then he hesitated before he went on and I could tell he was trying to decide if he should say it.  He asked if we were religious and then told us that he has seen so many accidents just like ours where the baby doesn't make it.  He said he wasn't trying to be dramatic but that he was so amazed to see our little boy running around the hospital room instead of in the cemetery.  He said the way the side of the car was dented right by his head, that had he even just been in a different car seat that allowed his head to move a little more he wouldn't have made it.  He told us there are some things that just can't be explained and we were being watched over.  The other driver wasn't hurt for which we were also extremely grateful and had fairly minimal damage to his truck compared with our car.

So my car that was like new again was totaled.  Later that day we went to the towing company to gather our belongings.  I was sad to see my car looking so bad.  Maybe it's silly but I become a little attached to my cars.  But mostly, with a little more time to look at it, I was awe struck and more grateful than I can express that Jason and Skyler had walked away with only a few scratches.  Here's what the car looked like.

As we were driving away I told Jason that our car looked worse than any other car that had been towed there.  His response was, "Didn't you see that one that had been burned?"  OK, so I guess looking on the bright side of things, at least the car didn't catch on fire.  Really, it was a terrible day that I would never want to repeat and yet we were so blessed at the same time and it could have been so much worse.  That night I couldn't sleep.  Once Skyler woke up and didn't want to go back to sleep so I laid down on his floor.  I finally slept there when I could hear him breathing.  The next week I felt like I couldn't let him out of my sight.  It was like somehow he was going to disappear if I did.  I am now the biggest advocate of seat belts and car seats. They definitely saved both Jason's and Skyler's lives that day.  And yet I know it was more than that too.  I'm so grateful to my Heavenly Father for protecting them.

I spent the next couple weeks hassling with the insurance claims and shopping for a new van.  I'd definitely put both of those things on my list of things I don't like to do.  I got a beautiful new Honda Odyssey with much nicer features than my old van so I guess it all turned out all right in the end.

School, Football, and a New Temple!

These next posts might seem a little random and out of order.  I'm just trying to get caught up on several events from the past few months.  A couple weeks ago we went to Brigham City to see the new temple for our church.  It was a beautiful building and so fun to take the kids to see the inside of it!  Temples are so important in our religion because we believe that the temple allows us to be with our families forever.  We also loved having our good friends that live across the street come with us.

I've avoided posting anything about this until now but the other day when all of the nieces and nephews were signing Jason's cast I asked permission to take pictures.  Without getting into too many details, the fancy mountain bike we gave Jason for Father's Day ended up being a little more dangerous than we anticipated!  Hopefully the cast will be off soon!

Here's a cute picture of Jared and Skyler.  I think they look a lot alike in this picture.

This little boy is loved so much! (Too much sometimes!)

Here are some pictures from Jared's first football games.  Their new Wildcat uniforms weren't in yet so they wore the old Ogden jerseys.  We couldn't resist taking some pictures by the big O.  Jared was made for football and loves blocking and tackling!  Notice in the picture he's the second one from the left on the line and doesn't seem a bit intimidated by the boy who is quite a bit bigger than him!

Here are the first day of school pictures this year.

Andrew 7th grade

Kaitlyn 1st grade

Jared 4th grade

Getting to work already!

Andrew is in 7th grade now and loving Jr. High.  I was pretty nervous for him to go but he wasn't nervous at all!  He didn't have any trouble finding his way around and thinks it is so much better than elementary school. His days are really long since he leaves over an hour earlier than the younger kids and stays for cross country practice after school.  Kaitlyn is in her first year of all day school.  It seems strange to have the house so quiet for so long.  She's done really well although she's awfully tired and hungry by the end of the day!

Girls Weekend in St. George

For years Jason and his brother's have gone on an annual backpacking trip.  My sisters-in-law and I decided that we deserved a yearly trip too.  It was tricky finding a time we could go and we still didn't get everyone.  It ended up being me, Jana, Nancy and Melanie.  We decided to go to St. George and see one of the plays at Tuacahn.  We wanted to go before it would be too hot but it kept getting pushed back which is why we ended up in St. George the hottest time of the year!

We saw The Little Mermaid and it was fantastic!  It looked like a storm was blowing in when we arrived at Tuacahn at the outdoor theater and we were a little worried about it getting rained out.  All we ended up getting was some light rain and wind so the show went on and it actually helped to cool the air down a bit.  Aside from the show we ate lots of good food (including ice cream at midnight), wandered through the farmers market, and shopped at the outlets and the mall.  We had a small adventure thinking Melanie's car was falling apart but it ended up not being anything duct tape couldn't fix and we discovered a fun fabric shop in the Ace store in Fillmore.  Mostly we just enjoyed being together without the constant distraction of lots of kids running around!

Wednesday night this week I got a call from a member of our bishopric asking me to speak in sacrament on Sunday.  (I think I may have mentioned before how much I HATE public speaking!)  He didn't get me the topic until Thursday night and since we left for our trip Friday morning that meant most of my preparation didn't happen until I got home Saturday night.  (By the way, the only thing that makes public speaking worse is feeling like I don't have enough time to prepare!)  I stayed up until almost midnight until I just couldn't think anymore.  While in St. George I bought this decorative glass with vinyl that really summed up well the topic that was on my mind.

Kaitlyn loves anything princess.  I think she really believes she is a princess.  All the Disney princesses are her favorite.  In our church we believe that we are literally spirit children of God and have the potential to become like Him.  Our children sing songs about it from when they are just tiny but I hope they can learn what that really means.  My talk was about setting goals and making sure your priorities are in the right place to reach those goals.  The most important goal is to return to our Heavenly Father yet so often we are so busy in life that we let other things become a bigger priority.  That's the message I was trying to get across anyway so hopefully someone got something out of it!

Earlier this week we got a phone call from Brazil.  It was Moises who is someone Jason baptized on him mission there 16 years ago.  He wanted to arrange a time on Skype that his family could meet ours.  So last night we talked with their family on the web cam.  They are such a wonderful family!  It was fun to see their children acting just like ours!  The kids had fun talking about games they liked to play and musicians and TV shows they liked and finding out that Moises' girls like the same things!  They kept saying how grateful they were that Jason had gone to Brazil and shared the gospel with him.  It made Jason so happy to see what an amazing family Moises has and how faithful he is in the gospel!  He loved talking to him again and before we knew it an hour and a half had passed and it was time for Jason to go to a meeting.  Earlier this week Jason was also able to talk to another family on Skype in Brazil.  I am amazed by technology now.  It was almost as good as sitting in their living room talking to them.

MCO, MTC, Fishing and Bike Riding

My mom is the principal flutist for the Orange County Mormon Choral Organization and they came on tour this week to Salt Lake City along with a similar group from Arizona.  Together they are called MCO (Mormon Choral Organization) of America.  We didn't get to see much of her because of the demanding schedule the group had. Most days they were in recording sessions from 8 am to 9 or 10 pm.  They were recording an Oratorio, Messiah in America, written by their conductor, Brett Stewart.  After spending all week doing recording they were planning on performing a concert in the tabernacle on Friday night.  I was devastated when the tickets sold out in less than half an hour and I didn't get any!  Fortunately, they decided to schedule a second concert in Abravanel Hall on Saturday afternoon.  It was such an amazing concert!  The composition of the music was incredible and the choir and orchestra, made almost entirely of volunteers, gave an outstanding performance.  The soloists were so good I could have listened to them all day!  The recording is scheduled to be released in the fall and I highly recommend it.  Since I wasn't allowed to take photographs here's a picture I found on KSL of Saturday's performance.  

My uncle is president of the MTC (missionary training center) for our church in Provo.  This is where new missionaries go to learn the lessons they are going to teach as well as languages if they are going to a foreign speaking missions.  My uncle said their are about 2,200 missionaries there now learning 52 different languages!  He asked my mom to perform a musical number at the Sunday night fireside for the missionaries and invited our family to come.  We dropped Kaitlyn off with my mother-in-law since we thought she was too young to sit quietly in a meeting full of adults.  Andrew and Jared have been so excited about going to the MTC.  We ate dinner with Uncle Gordy and Aunt Pat in the cafeteria with the missionaries.  Andrew and Jared loved the all you can eat ice cream bar! Then we had a little free time to wander around the grounds.  It was a beautiful summer day!  All the missionaries we ran into loved to stop and talk to Andrew and Jared, the future missionaries!  Obviously they don't get kids there to talk to often.  Here's a picture of Andrew, Jared and my mom.

The highlight of the evening was the fireside.  Words really can't describe what it felt like to walk into the room with over 2000 missionaries.  There was such an amazing spirit there!  For the opening song we sang Called to Serve and it brought such a wonderful feeling into the room to hear all those missionaries singing behind us.  It was quite the crowd for Mom to have to play in front of but she did a great job!  The speaker was Elder Wayne Petersen, an emeritus seventy.  I expected a talk on missionary work but he was just released as the temple president for the Nauvoo temple and chose to speak about that.  The Nauvoo temple is one of my favorite places in the world since it was our temple for five years and I loved his comments!  It was a perfect ending to the evening!  It was such a great experience and I hope something Andrew and Jared will always remember and make a goal to go on a mission.  It's hard to believe in just over 7 years Andrew will be old enough to go!

While Mom was in Salt Lake all week, I had to find things to entertain my dad.  We decided to tackle the flower bed under our front porch that is completely overgrown with weeds.  In the end we decided to rip everything out and start over.  Dad was a huge help but I always end up feeling a little guilty when he comes to visit and spends the whole time working.  We did go fishing one afternoon.  Jason has sworn me to secrecy about where we went but at least everyone caught a fish and we brought some home to eat.  Here are a few pictures.

We finally got to spend a day with my mom yesterday.  The kids wanted to take a picnic and their bikes to Beus Pond so that's what we did.  Jared finally decided last week when school got out that he wanted to learn to ride a bike.  As soon as he tried and I let go he was off like he's always been riding!

Easter

It was a fun Easter weekend.  We started with a party at our house with Jason's family Saturday afternoon.  We ended up with an indoor picnic since the weather was chilly but were glad the rain held off so we could do an Easter egg hunt outside.

Saturday night we dyed Easter eggs.

Sunday morning the kids woke up bright and early to see what the Easter Bunny had brought.

For breakfast we had our traditional bunny rolls and eggs.

One of the best parts about having a little girl is buying an Easter dress!  Kaitlyn is old enough now that she doesn't let me pick anymore.  This was her choice and she was adorable!

And my boys are pretty handsome when they let me dress them up too!

For family scripture study this week we read about the last week in Jesus' life.  The kids had a hard time understanding why people would want to hurt Jesus.  Frankly, it's not that easy to understand as an adult either but the beauty of Easter is that the tomb was empty on the third day! Jesus lives!  He really did triumph over everything and because of that, we can too!

Some Thoughts

It's been a rough weekend for everyone in our family. Andrew and Jared had the hardest time with Charlie dying. Jared has always been a sensitive child and he was just heartbroken that our little bird had died. I would think he was doing a little better and then look over to see tears streaming down his cheeks. I was sad about the bird dying but I was even more sad to see my kids that I love so much hurting so bad! I couldn't keep my own tears from falling as I watched Jared cry. As I was sitting in church Sunday I thought of the story in the New Testament when Lazarus dies. When Jesus arrives he is greeted by Martha who is weeping and says, "Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died." Jesus knew he had the power to raise Lazarus from the dead yet the scriptures record that "Jesus wept." I think this is significant. Jesus wasn't sorrowing because Lazarus had died, he was weeping because of the sorrow of those he loved. Just as I cried when I saw my children so sad, Jesus still feels our sorrow just as he did Martha's then. Life is hard sometimes but I'm so grateful to know I have a Savior who understands no matter how big or small.

Yesterday we all woke up feeling like it was not a holiday. After a lot more tears I decided we needed to get out of the house and do something fun. We sent a text to all the cousins and took a trip to Gateway Discovery. It really was a relief to have some fun and think about something besides the bird dying. Here are a few pictures of the fun day. I'm glad a couple of my sisters-in-law could make it on such short notice!

Andrew, Jesse, and Jared on the Life Flight helicopter.

Everything the kids ever dreamed of doing in the sink but I won't let them!

Kaitlyn loved planting the flowers and playing in the house!

Winston, Andrew and Jared as news reporters.

Last night when we went back to the pet store to pick out another bird. Andrew and Kaitlyn both wanted to get another one. Jared didn't. Andrew ended up winning since it was his Christmas present. Jared seems ok about it now and is starting to like the new bird. Andrew picked out a blue one this time and named him Herkey. (In case any of you don't know that's the name of the Iowa Hawkeye mascot.) Now we get to go through the whole process of taming another bird. I'm having nightmares that this bird will die too. If you have any tips on keeping parakeets alive please let me know! I don't think my kids can handle another one dying!