Olympic Marathon Trials

In October 2014 when I qualified for the Olympic Trials in Chicago, 16 months seemed like forever. February finally rolled around and I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster.  Some moments I felt like I was a kid on Christmas Eve and sometimes I found myself breaking down in tears at the realization that my dreams were really coming true.   And then there were those times the dreaded butterflies in my stomach came around.  With the countless hours and effort of preparation I had put in I really wanted to have a good race.  All the waiting and all the training focused on this one race and it was finally here! I know a lot of people think of the Olympic Trials simply as a step to get to the Olympics but for me I had no expectation of making the team and this was my Olympic experience.  I felt privileged to be competing in this kind of an event.  Winter is a tough time to stay in good shape but I had diligently put in the training every day with great results.  My coach and I were in agreement; I was in the best shape I have ever been in.  I was ready to have the race of my life and run with the best marathoners in the country.  My Brooks team had sent out new uniforms and shoes.  My family was packed and ready to go for the experience of a lifetime.  We were headed to LA.  The only problem... the weather forecast.  Record high temperatures in LA with a 10:22 start time planned for the women's race.  All I could do was trust in my training and pray for the best.

I had so many awesome friends and family that were supporting me and wishing me well.  Thoughtful gifts and cards literally brought tears to my eyes.  The day we were leaving I woke up and walked outside to see these signs that my friends had made and surprised me with all over my yard.

We chose to drive to LA instead of fly since I wanted to take the kids and let them experience the Olympic Trials and because I really hate to fly and avoid it when I can.  We drove half way on Wednesday afternoon and pulled into downtown Los Angeles Thursday afternoon.

Here I am, all checked in with my signature on the sign!  This was so real now!

We stayed at a condo about a mile from the start/finish area because there was more space for all the kids rather than staying at the athlete hotel.  It was a bit crazy trying to figure out where it was and how to get checked in but we were finally all settled.  That night Jason and I attended a dinner for all the athletes at the California Science Center.  It was a fun setting at the home of the Space Shuttle Endeavor.  We were greeted at the entrance by Brazilian samba dancers and walked the red carpet into the museum.  The space shuttle was amazing and the excitement in the air was tangible.

The highlight of the night was meeting Meb Keflezighi, Olympic silver medalist and winner of the Boston and New York Marathons.  He was great and we joked about not getting in each other's way when he lapped me on Saturday and his hopes of making the team to Rio.

I planned on a relaxing day Friday but it ended up being filled with preparation for the race.  In the morning we drove to USC to run that part of the course.  It was already hot at 9:00 in the morning and I was starting to realize what I was going to have to deal with the next day in the heat.  I watched other runners running the course and started to feel a little intimidated looking at how good all these athletes were.  USC's campus was gorgeous and the sunshine felt good after a long cold winter at home.  And the Coliseum with the Olympic Rings made the perfect backdrop for everything!  Last shake out run and I was ready to go!

That afternoon was the uniform check and the technical meeting.  It was so amazing to be sitting in the same room and bumping into all my running heroes in the hall.  Finally after what felt like a lot of sitting around we got what we had been waiting for all day.  Our bibs!  Then it was back to the condo to get some dinner, prepare my gear and attempt to get some rest with all the butterflies in my stomach!

Race morning arrived!  I actually had a great night's sleep (rare for me with pre-race nerves) and got up early to eat a good breakfast.  With a later start time I was taking advantage of being able to get in more calories before the race.  We chose to walk to the start line rather than dealing with the hassle of parking.  The temperature felt nice in the shade but it was already feeling warm in the sunshine.  We took a few more pictures at the start area and I was able to find my parents and brother who had come for the race before heading to the athlete area.  The start and finish area was exciting with banners and flags everywhere.  The streets were crowded with fans waiting for the race to start.  It was such a fun atmosphere!

I found my Brooks teammate, Taylor Ward, who is also being coached by Paul Pilkington.  Unfortunately she lives in Alabama so we don't get to train together.  It was nice to have someone to chat with to pass the time until we could warm up.  It was finally time to get started.  I felt great on the warm up!  My legs felt fantastic after the taper!  We changed shoes and went back out on the street to do some strides.  Just then the horn went off for the men's race at 10:06 (timed for the national TV broadcast on NBC.)  I watched them fly out of the start area then after a couple more quick strides headed over to the holding area.  Our start time was 10:22 and they only had a couple minutes to move us all out to the start after the men completed their first two mile loop.  A few final instructions were given, the favorites were announced.  The men came racing past at the end of their first lap and I was standing on the starting line with 202 of the best women marathoners in the country.  I started to tear up again as the horn went off and we made the turn onto the two mile lap to the cheering of all the crowds.  I didn't have too long to get emotional though.  I needed to get my head in the race!

The first lap was 2.2 miles and we headed north for a lap through downtown Los Angeles.  There were a lot of turns in this part course, including a U turn which made it difficult with a big pack.  My plan with the heat was to go out conservative and save something for the end.  I hated to do it knowing I was in PR shape and it might cost me a PR, but I knew I would have to take the heat into account.  I settled in with a pack towards the back that felt comfortable.  It was still early enough that we had shade from the buildings downtown and I felt great!  I hit my first mile in 6:22, a little slow but to account for the pack of runners at the start and the only significant uphill in the course during the first mile I thought it was perfect.  My plan was to average 6:15 for the first half.  We hit the U-turn and were greeted with a head wind.  It wasn't strong enough to notice until we were running straight into it.  I had a good pack to draft off of though and decided to use it on the stretch down to USC.    The next mile was 6:12, a little faster than I wanted but since we went down the hill we had just climbed I still felt like I was right where I wanted to be and feeling fantastic.

At 2.2 miles we crossed the finish line and started the 6 mile loop to the south towards USC that we would have to complete four times.  The six mile loop consisted of a long out and back section on Figueroa St. almost two miles each direction with a loop at USC at the south end and a U turn at the north end before the loop through Gilbert Plaza to the finish line.  It was fun running past all the crowds and my family and mile three ended up being my fastest one, 6:08.  I knew I needed to put on the brakes and save some energy.  I wasn't panicked about being too fast, I was still feeling good and just used it as a sign to back off.  We were leaving downtown and with fewer tall buildings we were in direct sunlight.  It was getting hot.  Mile four was 6:18, perfect.  I started to wonder if I needed to back off the pack I was running with.  It was starting to take a little more effort than I wanted to put in at this point but mile five was a 6:19.  This pack wasn't too fast for me and I made the decision to stay with the pack to help with the wind.  The south end of the loop ran through USC's campus.  It was a gorgeous section of the course and the only part I didn't mind running four times.  People were cheering and taking pictures and the band was even out playing for us.  And the last landmark to pass by was the Coliseum before heading back out on Figueroa.

Thanks Brian Nicholson for the picture!

Back on Figueroa the wind was at our backs but we also had a gradual uphill to finish the lap.  There was a little shade from some of the buildings at the far side of the road but it disappeared in the later laps of the race as we approached noon.  Heading back up Figueroa is when I started to feel like I would be in trouble.  The pack ahead of me started pulling away slightly.  Since the wind was at my back I let them go to conserve energy.  My lap paces had slipped into the 6:20s.  I was worried because it was feeling like I was putting too much effort to run this pace and there was so much running left.  It just kept getting hotter.  I drank every bit from my water bottles trying to stay on top of hydration.  Maybe it was just the slight uphill and I could get my splits back where I needed them on the downhill.  But then I got to the U-turn and remembered the wind I was dealing with the other direction.  I passed the finish line again, not encouraged that I would have to pass it three more times before I was done.  I picked up the pace a little and was able to catch up to the pack I had let go for a wind break.  Mile 9 was a 6:13, right back where I wanted to be but it was my last one on pace.  I slipped right back into the 6:20s after that and realized there was no way I could keep pushing myself under this and make it through 26 miles in these conditions.  

When I was approaching the Coliseum on my second lap I heard the vehicles approaching from behind that were leading the men's race.  While, I knew I would get lapped with the head start the men had, I hadn't anticipated it quite this early.  It was exciting to watch Meb, Galen Rupp, and a runner I didn't recognize race past with Jared Ward close on their heels.  I felt a bit of a surge of energy with the excitement of the race going on for the Olympic team but it didn't last long.  Soon we were back on Figueroa with the relentless sun beating down.  I came through the halfway point at 1:23.  A PR wasn't going to happen but I thought a 2:46 would be a decent time in these conditions.   But I don't know who I was kidding thinking I could run the second half as fast as I had run the first.  I felt done and I had 13 miles left to run in this heat.  The lap course was starting to get mentally tough.  I was approaching the end of my second lap and the thought that I would have to complete that long loop two more times was daunting.  I was starting to catch some of the runners that were struggling but I was slowing down as well.  My splits had slipped into the 6:30s.  I had done my training runs at a faster pace than this with much less effort.  I caught up to Taylor who was having a tough race.  We ran a bit together and I tried to encourage her to keep going.  Little did she know I was talking as much to myself as I was to her.  Each time I approached the water bottle tables there were more water bottles on the tables.  I wasn't passing that many runners.  It could only mean one thing.  Runners were dropping out: a lot of them.  At this point I felt like I went into survival mode.  I just had to finish.  I couldn't go home and face my family and friends that had supported me without finishing and I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I gave up.  Somehow I had to get myself to the finish line and I knew it would be some of the hardest miles I had ever run.

Thanks Andrew for the pictures!  Cool effects with the color on this one!

At mile 16 I was approaching USC again.  I couldn't wait for the only stretch of shade left on the course.  I looked at my watch hoping maybe I had picked it up a little but it was a 6:45.  It was the last split I looked at.  It wasn't helping to watch my pace.  I just couldn't make my legs move any faster.  A lot of the men farther back in the race were lapping me now.  It was another mental blow to look at them and realize they were just a few miles from the finish and I would have to do another entire lap after this.  I broke the race into small pieces and tackled them one at a time.  I would tell myself just get to the water bottles.  Just make it to the wet towels, a relief that didn't last long enough.  Then just make it to the U-turn and past the finish.  Finally I was on my last lap.  It felt so long and so hot but at least with everything I passed I could tell myself it was the last time!  By now the temperature was in the low 80s.  I didn't need to look at my watch to know I was continuing to slow down.  This had turned into a fight just to make it to the finish.  I continued to watch runners drop out and I was surprised to still even be passing a few.  Usually when I die at the end of a race like this I started getting passed like crazy.  A few runners did pass me but not many.  Everyone else was struggling as much as me.  I remember getting to USC, only 3 miles left to go, and having the thought pass through my head, "Am I in last place?"  But I looked behind me to see a long string of runners as far as I could see doing exactly what I was doing, struggling just to keep going.  The scorching sun beat down relentlessly as I made my way out of the relief of the trees on campus and onto the 8th and final stretch down Figueroa.  I was starting to get cramping in my calves and I worried that if I cramped any more I would have to stop.  The Staples Center was up ahead but seemed so far.  It was a grueling last two miles but eventually I was making the final U-turn and headed into Gilbert Plaza to cross the finish line for the last time.   They were awarding the top three women finishers as I crossed.  The attention was all on them instead of on me as I struggled to make my way across but it didn't matter.  A volunteer grabbed me to keep me from collapsing.  I could finally stop running.  The tears came as soon as I was across.  I cried because I made it.  I cried because it was over.  I cried because it was the hardest race I have ever run.  And I cried as a huge wave of disappointment washed over me.  This wasn't the way this experience was supposed to end.  I was better than this and this wasn't what I spent all winter training for.  I thought of the runs I did through blizzards, on Christmas, miles and miles alone out in West Haven in 20 degrees, mile repeats on the indoor track, and how strong I had felt through it all.  At that moment I didn't feel strong at all.  I felt beat, not by myself and not by the other runners, just beat by the heat.  But I finished and they hung the finisher's medal around my neck.  I'll never wear an Olympic medal but to me this was just as good.

Taylor finished just behind me.  I gave her a hug and was so glad she had finished as well.  I made my way through the finish chute, downed a couple bottles of water and poweraid, gratefully grabbed a bag of ice and put it on my neck to try to cool off.  Then I found the only small open spot of grass I could and laid down.  There was no shade.  The only hope of cooling off was the bag of ice on top of me but at least I didn't have to move.  I'm really not sure how long I stayed there.  I finally realized my family was probably looking for me and I should at least go grab my bag and phone.  So I retrieved my gear and sure enough had a few panicked texts from Jason asking if I was okay.  I was surprised to see they were already tearing down the finish area.  There were a few stragglers coming in but that was it.  I found my way to my family and a hug from my kids made me feel a lot better.  And a hug from my mom, you're never too old for that.  My family puts up with so much during my training.  The older kids are great helpers and pick up a lot of the slack when I'm gone helping with their younger siblings.  This has truly been a team effort to get me where I am and I couldn't do it without their support!  You should have seen the looks on some of the athletes faces when I told them I had four kids and that the oldest is 16.  It was so great to have my family here cheering me on.  They moved down the street away from the crowds so I could see them and it really kept me going at the end of the race when it was so tough.

 I loved having my parents and my "little" brother there cheering me on!

 And a huge thank you to my sponsors.  Brooks has been a great team to be a part of and their sponsorship is a huge help.  Also a shout out for USA Track and Field Utah for the generous travel stipend.  It's so great to have organizations like these supporting me in chasing my dreams.

This journey I have taken over the last six years since I started running competitively again has been incredible.  I owe so much of my success to my Coach Paul Pilkington.  I was reflecting this weekend on how far I've come.  When I started working with him I was a 3:11 marathon runner that was happy to win an age group prize.  He found in me a lot of potential that I had given up on decades ago when I was struggling in college.  I also found a great group of training partners when I started working with Paul.  Some of my best friends are those that I put countless miles in with.  They are the ones who motivate me to get out of bed when it's cold and I'd rather turn off the alram.  They get me through the hard workouts and long runs.  It has truly been a team effort to get me here.

And most of all I owe so much to Jason for his never ending support.  He works just as hard as I do in his running and has struggled with injuries and illness that have kept him from achieving what he wants. It would be easy for him to be jealous of what I have accomplished but he has been my best friend and support the whole time.  I wouldn't be who I am without him!

At first I was embarrassed at my time, 2:55:35.  How could I be part of such a prestigious competition and perform so poorly?  But as I looked at the results I realized that I was far from being alone.  A few statistics from the day: Out of 202 women who started the race only 149 finished.  That's a whopping 25% DNF for the women and for the men it was worse. 1/3 of the men dropped out.  Just that figure alone makes me awfully glad I just made it to the finish line.  Only 23 women ran under 2:43, the qualifying mark when most of us qualified for the trials.  On the men's side only 14 ran under the 2:18 qualifying mark.  I finished 104th, right in the middle.  Before the trials I felt a good race for me would put me in the top 100 although I thought it would take 2:40 or faster to do that.  My seed was 107 and considering all the half marathon qualifiers were seeded at the end (many of whom could run faster than me) I finished higher than expected.  There were a few exceptions that ran outstanding races but I think the majority of the athletes went home feeling just like I did.  They were capable of so much better.  I ran with the best of the best and even they struggled.  I can't help but feel most of the blame falls on USATF and NBC for running us in the heat of the day.  While no one can predict record high temperatures months in advance it would have been a completely different race if we had started at 6:00 or 7:00 like most marathons do.  The 10:22 start time to accommodate a live TV broadcast was a foolish decision which I'm assuming was made for monetary benefit and it hurt the athletes tremendously. I hope that in the future USATF will take the athletes needs into more serious consideration.

A couple days after the race one of my kids asked if I would try to go to the trials again in 2020.  That depends a lot on what USATF sets as the qualifying mark and how I'm running in a year and a half or so when the qualifying period opens.  Right now I feel like I would love another chance at doing this the right way but I'll be pushing 40 by the time qualifying opens again.  This may have been my only chance but I'm so grateful I had this experience.  I have memories I will treasure for a lifetime!